You decide.
Here's the thing. For as long as I can remember, I've gotten a terrific rush from writing - except not really. The rush comes from the beginning of the creative process, the better-than-drugs euphoria that accompanies a new story idea or a solution to a particularly thorny plot or motivation obstacle.
But like with any drug, the euphoria wears off. That's when creative lethargy settles in.
A similar scenario sets in when I'm anticipating large blocks of time to write. The anticipation is exhilarating. My enthusiasm knows no bounds and I can't wait to get started. Until I have the time. And then - the blahs set in. At this point, I'd clean rather than sit in front of the computer.
So what does this all mean? Well - either I'm a struggling writer, I'm lazy, or I'm a realist who is lowering her expectations. If the last seems confusing, consider this article in the Economist called Mild and Bitter: The Evolutionary Origin of Depression with a subtitle: Depression may be linked to how willing someone is to give up his goals.
Here's a brief excerpt:
Dr Nesse’s hypothesis is that, as pain stops you doing damaging physical things, so low mood stops you doing damaging mental ones—in particular, pursuing unreachable goals. Pursuing such goals is a waste of energy and resources. Therefore, he argues, there is likely to be an evolved mechanism that identifies certain goals as unattainable and inhibits their pursuit—and he believes that low mood is at least part of that mechanism.
So, does that mean that when I get the blahs each time I sit down to write, it's my subconscious telling me I'll never attain my goals and should go do something useful (like clean the toilet) instead?
Or am I just a procrastinator extraordinaire who always finds the grass in the other pasture greener so if I had to clean that toilet, I'd be lamenting the lost writing time?
What do you think? Not about me, but about the premise of the article.
I don't like that theory. Pursuing goals is a waste of energy and resources??? That just makes me mad. Look, time is going to pass anyway. Why NOT pursue something that makes you happy? Maybe there will be downsides, but everything has a downside. The good thing about that is there's no place to go but up.
ReplyDeleteI'm rambling, but I've only been awake a little while ;)
I think if you are truly miserable about doing something, then it might be time to reevaluate the goal and tweak it. Writing isn't always fun (maddening more often than not). But being ANYTHING isn't always fun. Ask anyone, even someone who loves their job, and they'll have at least one aspect of the job they can't stand.
ReplyDeleteI question my writing only in that it isn't paying for anything at all--I pay chapter dues, for classes, and for books. I pay money for conferences and clothes. But right now, I love all of it. I think I am in the middle of my advancement. And I am reevaluating how I will write and what I will write (length and future genre choice) in the new year. I had a goal to write 3 categories a year. I am fast and I can do it. But now that I am actively seeking an agent and the recent boondoggle with Harlequin has hit, I find category romances will limit my options. I love them, and I've a few written, but I may go ST. Also, I want to play around with a YA idea I've had for eons. But before I go that route, I want to have an agent to pitch the idea to who will say, nah or wow.
I have a friend who keeps a daily blog in Dutch as a Dutch American. She got all bummed out because she wasn't getting a lot of comments on her blogs for a while and she even blogged about that (that's a psychological story for another day). Anyway, I said, "if you are doing it for yourself and it is giving YOU joy, then don't worry who reads it. If it's not giving you joy, then stop."
Bottom line: if I am not getting ANY joy out of pursuing this fabulous obsession, I will stop. But the joy far outweighs the pain (and getting R'd on a regular basis is PAINFUL). So for now, because writing brings great joy than not writing. I will continue.
But the author does have a point. Perhaps the lack of joy could mean your energy and resources should go to other goals you've put on the back burner.