Congratulations!! You've Got Writer's Block

Does that get your attention?

The first real chapter in Dennis Palumbo's Writing From the Inside Out is entitled Writer's Block and he begins the chapter with a memory of congratulating a client who had writer's block.

Although that was certainly a catchy chapter hook, what really spoke to me in this chapter was his analysis of a bad dream. He'd been experiencing a severe case of writer's block while attempting to adapt a screenplay to a book. He came to understand that the dream was his subconscious mind's way of dealing with a feeling of not being good enough. Or as he so succinctly put it, "Who did I think I was, anyway?" (p. 16)

That was a real Eureka moment for me. Who do I think I am, anyway?

Palumbo's crisis of confidence came from adapting a big name author's book into a screenplay. Mine is less obvious, but no less paralyzing. The most basic cause of my writer's block can be summed up in 6 words.

I am in awe of writers.

I've always held writers in the highest esteem so to think I could be one requires serious mental adjustment. I thought I had made that leap, but the gut reaction I had while reading this chapter set me straight.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that my most favorite thing to do in life is read. (The pile of gift cards to B&N and Borders that I received at the end of the school year attest to that!) My house is overflowing with books. This past school year, one of my students was reading Inkheart and with such longing in her voice she asked me wouldn't I love to live in a house like Eleanor's where every room is walls of books. I smiled, sort of sheepishly, and told her I do. My husband and I have a standing weekly Saturday date at Barnes and Noble!

See how I can go on about books and my love of them. Books are my biggest vice and my greatest delight (don't tell the kids or the pets, please!) so the people who write them are akin to gods/goddesses. Me, be one of them? Who do I think I'm kidding?

So many authors reflect that they decided to write a book when they tossed aside a book they were reading with the thought that they could do better. Not me. I remember very clearly when I decided to try writing a book. I was working for Columbia Pictures at the time and was at a company conference in San Francisco. I was indulging in a long hot bath, doing what else - reading. The magazine I was flipping through had an article on romance writers. What stunned me was the realization that these writers were ordinary women who wrote before lunch, on lunch breaks or when their kids were asleep.

That article was like finding gold at the end of the rainbow. I still remember the awestruck feeling - I could do this? I could actually take those stories that I made up to get to sleep at night and turn them into a book?

The other day, Gwen commented that she remembered the early sense of not being able to stop writing - before thoughts of craft and publication interfered. That's what those early days of writing were like for me. I wrote reams of pages longhand, pecked out scenes on my old Atari computer. Nothing interfered with my love for the story I wrote. When my babies were little, I wrote during their naps and after they went to bed at night. I had to tear myself away from the story to sleep, knowing they'd be waking early.

Never during that time did I compare myself to other authors. I never worried that what I was writing wasn't good enough. It was, in every sense of the word, a pure writing experience.

I could go on with details of my descent into the reality of publishing, but there's not point. The fact is, once the rejections arrived, so did the unspoken fear. I wasn't good enough to be an AUTHOR.

Eventually, that feeling sucked the joy from my writing and paralyzed my muse. I wasn't good enough to be an author.

So what to do about those stories that still want to be told?

Dennis Palumbo spends the chapter talking about ways of dealing with writer's block - specifically to not try to break through it but to take the opportunity to examine it, understand it, and use it as a tool for taking the next step. I guess that's what I've been doing with this blog today, examining my fears and taking the chance, putting myself out there.

I love my stories. I love the high that I get when an idea strikes. I love the rush of not being able to type fast enough to get the ideas down. Maybe I'll never be good enough to be an AUTHOR, but I'll never know unless I try again.


Confession time - I could kick myself now when I think of the editor who gave me first place in a contest and requested a full. I never sent it. Why? I didn't understand then, but I do now. If I didn't send it, she couldn't reject it. The story that I loved so much, could remain golden in my eye, untarnished by more rejection slips.

So my promise to myself is not to let those doubts derail me but instead I'll mine them for ideas. I'll never be good enough if I don't keep trying!



His closing to the chapter gives me inspiration -

About writer's block -
"It means you're ready - or, probably, more than ready - to make that important next step in your writing." (p. 18)

And to any author reading this today - I salute you! Whether you're multipublished, award-winning, or struggling like me - you dared to put your dreams on paper so thank you!

Cats, Catnip and Facing Fears Day 2

I'm getting a late start today. Blame it on the cat. Or the dog.


I was already having a hard time sleeping last night because the AC just wasn't cutting it in the ridiculous heat we've been having plus the dog insisted on curling on my feet. My feet were asleep; I wasn't.

I finally dozed off, only to have my daughter wake me in a panic at 3am. Seems the cat was doing some nocturnal wandering and found where DD1 had stored the catnip. The lovely cat dragged the bag of catnip into DD2's bed, chewed through the plastic so there was catnip all over her bed, and then proceeded to go nuts rolling, jumping, literally writhing in the catnip. If you've never seen a cat on catnip, just picture it as the cat equivalent of LSD.


So on to day 2 of reading Dennis Palumbo's Writing From the Inside Out (Transforming Your Psychological Blocks to Release the Writer Withing).

First of all, I have to really recommend that anyone who is interested in this discussion purchase a copy of the book. He goes into so much detail and his examples are really helpful in both analyzing your behaviors and helping you to know you're not alone in facing these fears.

"A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." -Thomas Mann

Part One - The Writing Life - begins with Mann's quote. Talk about being in good company!

What I particularly like about this book is that Palumbo states outright that he's not promising quick fixes or easy solutions - "Just a different way of thinking that treats you and your struggles at writing with compassion, hope, and the sure knowledge that you're not alone." (p. 13)

In his introduction to this section, Palumbo uses a water wheel he saw in New England as a great metaphor for the writing process. "It's not the velocity, but the weight of the water in each bucket, that turns the wheel." This reminds me so much of the writing advice we see everywhere about persistence and how important it is to keep writing and keep submitting.

So, I'm off to fill my writing buckets.

So if anyone is reading along, how's your writing going?

Facing Fears or How Not to Spend 3 Hours Playing Farm Frenzy

Confession time - I'll put it right out there - I've always been a star procrastinator. If I can put off til tomorrow something that can be done today, I'm there. If I can put it off til next week - even better.

This is not a character trait of which I am proud. I've been working hard at improving and I have - except when it comes to my writing.

Sometimes I scare myself with the ways I avoid writing. I mean really - 3 hours playing Farm Frenzy Pizza Party on AOL? Want to know how good I am at Inca Ball?

Why do I do this?

I really don't know, but I imagine it has something to do with fears - either of success or failure. What I do know is I'm losing patience with myself over it so it's time to do something drastic.

Okay, so maybe that sounds a bit dramatic. What I really have in mind is this. Dennis Palumbo wrote a terrific book called Writing from the Inside Out about writers dealing with just this sort of problem. I love this quote from the introduction -

Writer's Block. Procrastination. Loneliness. Doubt. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Just plain ... fear.
What do these all mean? What does it say about you if you struggle with these feelings on a daily basis?
It means you're a writer. And that's all it means. (p.2)

This passage particularly speaks to me because writing hasn't always been this way for me. When I first started, I was eager to spend time writing. I stayed up late into the night, happily working with my story. I didn't worry about publication because I just loved the writing. When I was doing other things, I counted the hours til I had time to write again. I wrote before work, during lunch - whenever I could eek out the time.

And then one day it all just dried up.

It's been one of the biggest puzzles of my life trying to understand what happened. Especially because I do still love making up stories and I do still enjoy writing them. Once I start - but now I literally have to force myself to the computer. I have my daily quota of words that I've maintained for over a year now without missing a day, but it's still a struggle. And I don't understand why.

So I've decided to take a proactive stance. I remembered the Palumbo book and dug it out. The subtitle - Transforming Your Psychological Blocks to Release the Writer Within - sounds like exactly what I need and Palumbo is both a writer and a psychotherapist so he has lots of experiences with the topic.

My plan is to read and blog about a new chapter each day before I begin my writing for the day. Sounds like a grand summer vacation plan, doesn't it? Just putting it down here inspires me.

I know I'm not alone in either my fears or my tendencies toward procrastination. I've read any number of blog posts this week dealing with writer's fears and how they face them. So I'd like to invite anyone who reads this to come join in the conversation. If you're interested in the book, you can click the link above or check out his website.

Day 1 - Introduction -

If misery loves company then the introduction to this book is the perfect companion. Palumbo starts out by describing his own incapacitating writer's block while he was working on the script for My Favorite Year. If someone as accomplished as he was at this point - already a writer on Welcome Back, Kotter - can have doubts, no wonder I do.

There are many lessons in this introduction alone. I mean really - the man is holed up in a cabin on a stretch of beach in Carmel, CA. When ideas don't flow he goes for a walk along the beach.






How often have I dreamed about writing in just such a setting. But he can't. He is paralyzed by writer's block. He perseveres though (note to self!) and eventually realizes that grappling with his fears - drawing from them really - is what he needs to do. And when he does, the writing begins. It's not miraculous; it doesn't flow perfectly. But words are going on the paper and we all know the wisdom of getting something down. Once the words are written, they can be worked with, wrestled with, played with and improved on. The trick is getting them down.

So I'm off to get some words down.

I hope you'll join me on this journey. If you've read the book or would like to read it - jump in. If you haven't read it, please share your own thoughts on writing fears or tricks for dealing with them.

America the Beautiful

This song always chokes me up. My favorite verse is not often sung, but it's included in this video. It seems particularly appropriate today.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

I also like the positive attitude of this video - of looking forward to what we can do to make America a better home for us all. Everyone might not agree with every suggestion, but there is at least something for everyone.

Happy 4th of July

Summer Vacation

I always feel like there should be some sort of flashing neon sign that signals the end of the school year and the beginning of summer vacation, but this year it's been more like a gentle YIELD.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Why? Why does this year's summer vacation not seem like all that big a deal?

The obvious reason is sort of a bittersweet sense of school ending. I really enjoyed the class I had this year. Everyone said this was the class that caused nervous breakdowns, but that wasn't my experience. I will truly miss seeing them each day.

Still, the year was tiring and I'm glad for the time to rest and recoup.

I'm also excited for the chance to devote more time to my writing. Although I hold myself to my vow to write at least something everyday, during the school year that something often feels disconnected and aimless. Now I have whole stretches of time to revel in the writing process. And I won't have to feel guilty for taking time away from schoolwork.

So why no flashing neon sign? No fireworks?

I guess I'm more a believer in rituals than I ever realized. I always think of the last day of school as the day to say goodbye, pack up the classroom, come home and open a beer or a bottle of wine and salute the coming summer. Instead, when school ended last Thursday, we immediately hit the road for an overnight trip to Boston for a family reunion. That was fun but it interfered with my end-of-the-year ritual. Instead of diving right into the writing, I cleaned the house (which really needed it), caught up on laundry, and dove into a really long book (Nelson DeMille's Word of Honor).

So today's my real first day of summer vacation. I got up early, walked the dog, and settled in with my coffee at the computer.

And you know what? I'm excited. REALLY excited to get to work on the book.

So what about you? Does anyone else have rituals that you stick to religiously? And what happens when something interferes?

Honoring the Story

It is a privilege to write stories, to give voice to the voiceless. You open new worlds, you introduce new ways of thinking, and you lift the reader closer to the light. This is the power and purpose of story. And this is the tradition you honor.
~ from The Art and Craft of Storytelling by Nancy Lamb


As a teacher I'm often reminded of the power of story. Such was the case this week as I looked around my class and saw how many students had purchased hardback copies of Rick Riordan's The Red Pyramid. Some bought it because they are fans of his Percy Jackson series, but most bought it because I read them a sample of Chapter One. They were totally hooked. Nine and ten-year olds weren't intimidated by the 500 pages; they were captivated by the story.

I think it's obvious when authors appreciate and honor the importance of story. I really believe that the children pick up on this when they read. The dedication given to crafting the story enhances it in a way that resonates deeply with even the youngest reader.

It's so easy to get caught up in (or more aptly - dragged down by) the struggle to publication. For me, remembering the power and importance of story keeps me going. So next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to think of all those children begging me for time to read just one more chapter and I will try to celebrate the work that brings that joy.

The Daffodil Project

I have to admit to being inspired by Marianne's blog about daffodils this morning. I was starting to leave her a comment but it got so long that I decided I'd make it a blog topic instead.

Marianne was writing about Daffodil Hill - which looks like an amazing place. Seeing all those daffodils reminded me of a very special project in NYC and I wanted to share it with you.




I've copied this straight from the city's website:

About the Daffodil Project

The Daffodil Project was originally created to commemorate September 11. Now in its tenth year, the annual effort-led New Yorkers for Parks (NY4P) in cooperation with the Department of Parks and Recreation (DPR)-not only brings together volunteers and raises the spirits of New Yorkers, but also draws attention to the needs of neglected parks and open spaces citywide.The Daffodil Project is made possible in part by the generosity of a Dutch bulb supplier, Hans van Waardenburg of B&K Flowerbulbs, who has pledged to donate 500,000 daffodil bulbs to the project each year as long as there are volunteers willing to plant them. More than 20,000 volunteers have responded to his challenge so far. And thanks to their efforts, more than 3 million yellow daffodils will bloom in over 2,000 individual sites across the five boroughs in the spring of 2010.

Isn't that cool?

I spent a lot of time walking my dog in parks this past week since the weather was so lovely, and I couldn't help but notice that there were daffodils everywhere. They're such cheerful flowers that they just make you want to smile. I took some pictures this morning in a small park near my house.



This doesn't have anything to do with writing except that they're beautiful and I find that anything of beauty inspires my writing.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week. It's back to school for me.