Facing Fears or How Not to Spend 3 Hours Playing Farm Frenzy

Confession time - I'll put it right out there - I've always been a star procrastinator. If I can put off til tomorrow something that can be done today, I'm there. If I can put it off til next week - even better.

This is not a character trait of which I am proud. I've been working hard at improving and I have - except when it comes to my writing.

Sometimes I scare myself with the ways I avoid writing. I mean really - 3 hours playing Farm Frenzy Pizza Party on AOL? Want to know how good I am at Inca Ball?

Why do I do this?

I really don't know, but I imagine it has something to do with fears - either of success or failure. What I do know is I'm losing patience with myself over it so it's time to do something drastic.

Okay, so maybe that sounds a bit dramatic. What I really have in mind is this. Dennis Palumbo wrote a terrific book called Writing from the Inside Out about writers dealing with just this sort of problem. I love this quote from the introduction -

Writer's Block. Procrastination. Loneliness. Doubt. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Just plain ... fear.
What do these all mean? What does it say about you if you struggle with these feelings on a daily basis?
It means you're a writer. And that's all it means. (p.2)

This passage particularly speaks to me because writing hasn't always been this way for me. When I first started, I was eager to spend time writing. I stayed up late into the night, happily working with my story. I didn't worry about publication because I just loved the writing. When I was doing other things, I counted the hours til I had time to write again. I wrote before work, during lunch - whenever I could eek out the time.

And then one day it all just dried up.

It's been one of the biggest puzzles of my life trying to understand what happened. Especially because I do still love making up stories and I do still enjoy writing them. Once I start - but now I literally have to force myself to the computer. I have my daily quota of words that I've maintained for over a year now without missing a day, but it's still a struggle. And I don't understand why.

So I've decided to take a proactive stance. I remembered the Palumbo book and dug it out. The subtitle - Transforming Your Psychological Blocks to Release the Writer Within - sounds like exactly what I need and Palumbo is both a writer and a psychotherapist so he has lots of experiences with the topic.

My plan is to read and blog about a new chapter each day before I begin my writing for the day. Sounds like a grand summer vacation plan, doesn't it? Just putting it down here inspires me.

I know I'm not alone in either my fears or my tendencies toward procrastination. I've read any number of blog posts this week dealing with writer's fears and how they face them. So I'd like to invite anyone who reads this to come join in the conversation. If you're interested in the book, you can click the link above or check out his website.

Day 1 - Introduction -

If misery loves company then the introduction to this book is the perfect companion. Palumbo starts out by describing his own incapacitating writer's block while he was working on the script for My Favorite Year. If someone as accomplished as he was at this point - already a writer on Welcome Back, Kotter - can have doubts, no wonder I do.

There are many lessons in this introduction alone. I mean really - the man is holed up in a cabin on a stretch of beach in Carmel, CA. When ideas don't flow he goes for a walk along the beach.






How often have I dreamed about writing in just such a setting. But he can't. He is paralyzed by writer's block. He perseveres though (note to self!) and eventually realizes that grappling with his fears - drawing from them really - is what he needs to do. And when he does, the writing begins. It's not miraculous; it doesn't flow perfectly. But words are going on the paper and we all know the wisdom of getting something down. Once the words are written, they can be worked with, wrestled with, played with and improved on. The trick is getting them down.

So I'm off to get some words down.

I hope you'll join me on this journey. If you've read the book or would like to read it - jump in. If you haven't read it, please share your own thoughts on writing fears or tricks for dealing with them.

America the Beautiful

This song always chokes me up. My favorite verse is not often sung, but it's included in this video. It seems particularly appropriate today.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

I also like the positive attitude of this video - of looking forward to what we can do to make America a better home for us all. Everyone might not agree with every suggestion, but there is at least something for everyone.

Happy 4th of July

Summer Vacation

I always feel like there should be some sort of flashing neon sign that signals the end of the school year and the beginning of summer vacation, but this year it's been more like a gentle YIELD.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Why? Why does this year's summer vacation not seem like all that big a deal?

The obvious reason is sort of a bittersweet sense of school ending. I really enjoyed the class I had this year. Everyone said this was the class that caused nervous breakdowns, but that wasn't my experience. I will truly miss seeing them each day.

Still, the year was tiring and I'm glad for the time to rest and recoup.

I'm also excited for the chance to devote more time to my writing. Although I hold myself to my vow to write at least something everyday, during the school year that something often feels disconnected and aimless. Now I have whole stretches of time to revel in the writing process. And I won't have to feel guilty for taking time away from schoolwork.

So why no flashing neon sign? No fireworks?

I guess I'm more a believer in rituals than I ever realized. I always think of the last day of school as the day to say goodbye, pack up the classroom, come home and open a beer or a bottle of wine and salute the coming summer. Instead, when school ended last Thursday, we immediately hit the road for an overnight trip to Boston for a family reunion. That was fun but it interfered with my end-of-the-year ritual. Instead of diving right into the writing, I cleaned the house (which really needed it), caught up on laundry, and dove into a really long book (Nelson DeMille's Word of Honor).

So today's my real first day of summer vacation. I got up early, walked the dog, and settled in with my coffee at the computer.

And you know what? I'm excited. REALLY excited to get to work on the book.

So what about you? Does anyone else have rituals that you stick to religiously? And what happens when something interferes?

Honoring the Story

It is a privilege to write stories, to give voice to the voiceless. You open new worlds, you introduce new ways of thinking, and you lift the reader closer to the light. This is the power and purpose of story. And this is the tradition you honor.
~ from The Art and Craft of Storytelling by Nancy Lamb


As a teacher I'm often reminded of the power of story. Such was the case this week as I looked around my class and saw how many students had purchased hardback copies of Rick Riordan's The Red Pyramid. Some bought it because they are fans of his Percy Jackson series, but most bought it because I read them a sample of Chapter One. They were totally hooked. Nine and ten-year olds weren't intimidated by the 500 pages; they were captivated by the story.

I think it's obvious when authors appreciate and honor the importance of story. I really believe that the children pick up on this when they read. The dedication given to crafting the story enhances it in a way that resonates deeply with even the youngest reader.

It's so easy to get caught up in (or more aptly - dragged down by) the struggle to publication. For me, remembering the power and importance of story keeps me going. So next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to think of all those children begging me for time to read just one more chapter and I will try to celebrate the work that brings that joy.

The Daffodil Project

I have to admit to being inspired by Marianne's blog about daffodils this morning. I was starting to leave her a comment but it got so long that I decided I'd make it a blog topic instead.

Marianne was writing about Daffodil Hill - which looks like an amazing place. Seeing all those daffodils reminded me of a very special project in NYC and I wanted to share it with you.




I've copied this straight from the city's website:

About the Daffodil Project

The Daffodil Project was originally created to commemorate September 11. Now in its tenth year, the annual effort-led New Yorkers for Parks (NY4P) in cooperation with the Department of Parks and Recreation (DPR)-not only brings together volunteers and raises the spirits of New Yorkers, but also draws attention to the needs of neglected parks and open spaces citywide.The Daffodil Project is made possible in part by the generosity of a Dutch bulb supplier, Hans van Waardenburg of B&K Flowerbulbs, who has pledged to donate 500,000 daffodil bulbs to the project each year as long as there are volunteers willing to plant them. More than 20,000 volunteers have responded to his challenge so far. And thanks to their efforts, more than 3 million yellow daffodils will bloom in over 2,000 individual sites across the five boroughs in the spring of 2010.

Isn't that cool?

I spent a lot of time walking my dog in parks this past week since the weather was so lovely, and I couldn't help but notice that there were daffodils everywhere. They're such cheerful flowers that they just make you want to smile. I took some pictures this morning in a small park near my house.



This doesn't have anything to do with writing except that they're beautiful and I find that anything of beauty inspires my writing.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week. It's back to school for me.

Not Quite Random Thoughts

I started out to write a few seemingly disjointed thoughts that have been on my mind, but a funny thing happened on the way to the blog - I realized that they're really all kind of connected. So bear with me please.

I've been reading Cat Lindler's Kiss of a Traitor after reading about it on Romance University last week in an article entitled Revolutionary Heroes: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Kiss of a Traitor reminds me of the kind of lush historical romances I cut my teeth on and which have been in short supply in recent years. I've always loved reading and writing Revolutionary War stories but anytime I mentioned that interest to an agent or an editor, I was told quite bluntly that there was no market for them. Another recent post on Romance U had an agent commenting that she'd heard of agents and publishers not even willing to look at historicals set in America. Yet Medallion Press took a chance on Cat's book which drew rave reviews and Wild Rose Press has an American Rose line. Hmmmmmm.

That got me to wondering. How many readers are there who would love to read other settings or themes but have had to settle for whatever the big publishers decided was marketable? I'm not denying that Regency England may have a larger market interest share than Revolutionary War America but does it have to be exclusive? The current glut of vampire romances or paranormal romantic suspenses being published at the expense of other types of novels are another example. And remember when all anyone wanted was chick lit?

All of this makes me think of how cable revolutionized the television industry. Which also makes me wonder - is the ability to fill this kind of need for individual interest a way small presses or epublishers will change publishing?

Earlier today, I stumbled upon Joe Konrath's blog - Publishers + Ebooks = Epic Fail which is basically an analysis of his ebook versus print book sales.

If you haven't read it yet, check it out. I don't have the background to know if his argument holds water, but it was fascinating reading given what else was on my mind.

Many of Joe's comments about the future of epublishing are hardly unique, but he does give an interesting financial analysis from an author's point of view. I don't think he ever addressed the idea that his name being established by print publishers puts him in a different league from the ordinary person trying to self publish, but the whole idea is interesting anyway.

I'm sure none of these thoughts or questions is particularly new or insightful but they've been circling in my brain lately so I decided to throw them out there. I have no crystal ball to tell me the future of publishing, but I'm interested to hear any thoughts you may have on how changes in the industry may impact you as both a reader and a writer.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter